American Greed

I hate moments like this.
When the doubting, mistrusting side of me is proved right.

Kyle and I were just sitting at a table at Grand Valley when this guy comes up to us in a panic, asking for gas money to get to Muskegon.
"I swear I'll pay you back. My Uncle is the Mayor... (Or some bull)"

I didn't want to give him the money, but my nice boyfriend did, so he gave him five.
I suddenly remembered the few dollars I had in my pocket and gave him five too, even though my stomach sank a little when I did.

After I watched him with an evil eye for a bit, Kyle lectured me.
"Give it up. You care too much about your money."

(Its probably true. I don't mind giving when I know that its really used for a good cause. I don't trust people. And today it was especially hard, considering the fact that essentially I am in debt again due to my car's episode.)

But then, oh but then.

They guy orders a Starbucks drink and heads for the door.
I wanted to get up, but my heart was pounding so hard I almost couldn't.
Kyle decided to go after him, asking him about the coffee.

He said "A guy bought it for me, I swear," and walked off.

A few minutes later, the security guard goes out the door, looking for someone.

"Are you looking for anyone?" I asked.

"Yeah, some guy has been panhandeling around here lately, and I saw him go this way."

I was so mad.
Kyle went out the door in a fit, and I tried to follow but he wouldn't let me. After ten minutes or so he came back with nothing.

Then, when Kyle went to class and told a friend about it, the friend said he knew someone else that happened to. Same story.

I just wish I weren't right about people.
It makes my heart hard.

Growth?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZBoZ0sUT3k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDud1qTLiGA&feature=channel

I have been in love with this man's music for quite a while now. Never gets old.

Unfortunately, it hasn't been a particularly easy last couple weeks.
First, my car (even though we haven't gotten along well the last 2+ years anyway) is practically worthless, since I let the engine seize. Moral of the story is: Don't ignore oil lights, even if they are only on for 20 minutes. You will be sorry.
So now I have to find a new car. My parents are being great about the situation, allowing me to borrow my Dad's car until I find a new one. Its just frustrating, since I finally paid this thing off, and let me tell you, with all the repairs, it hasn't been cheap.

Additionally, I haven't been enjoying school at all. I don't usually love it, but I like it less this semester. I haven't been doing quite as well as I might like, and I'm not interested in any of my classes.

Time is just slipping out of my hands. I can't even comprehend how quickly it passes. I don't feel like I get anything done and I don't have any free time. I'm in a time warp.

When I really think about all these essentially minor concerns, I just have to realize how much I still have to be thankful for. Things could be infinitely times worse. I definitely need to learn how to deal with loss, no matter how minor it is.
Its just not something I like to practice, I guess.